In our daily life, we come across many telemarketing calls in a day. They, almost always, change your mood from a chirpy, enthusiastic one to a deadened irritated one! If someone is selling a product, another is selling a service – from the bank account to mutual funds, from car insurance to life insurance, from car service to RO service and so on and so forth. And, what more, they make your life miserable calling innumerable times in their monotonous voices. Quite interestingly, many a times, your “NO” prompts the telemarketers to ask further questions and attempts to persuade you to buy. All this while, they have been irritating you. Now is the time for revenge.
Here is a list on how you can be on the other side and annoy them to the fullest:
Pretend to be busy and ask to call later
Make them believe that you are extremely busy and you can talk after 10 minutes. After 10 minutes if you receive calls, say the same thing. Continue the process until caller stops calling you on your phone.
Ask for a date
Ask the caller to meet you over dinner to discuss the proposal. (Note: It is unlikely to work with male telemarketers callers but has higher chances of success with females.)
Request him/her to lend you money
The request should appear extremely genuine and serious.
Eg. Start asking personal questions like his or her age, salary, family background etc. and then come to the main point: “Can you please lend me some money as I am in grave need to pay a loan?” Continue begging till he/she hangs up the phone.
Talk as if you are chewing paan/tobacco
Ensure that the caller is not able to understand anything you are saying. It should look as if you are murmuring. If you are really committed, really stuff your mouth with the largest paan you can find.
Propose a deal
Give her/him a counteroffer. Ask him/her to donate money for your nonexistent NGO for animals, poor children or just anything.
“See, I have a better proposal. You donate Rs 2000 for my NGO and I will buy your product/service. After all, I am working for a social cause.”
Ask to hold call and never come back
Tell the caller that somebody is on the other call or at the door and she/he needs to hold on for a minute and then you don’t need to return to call. This will definitely work.
Turn the TV on at loud volume
Pretend to be making great efforts to hear. Ask the telemarketer to speak up louder and louder. Then just hang up the phone saying caller is inaudible.
Ask “WHY” on every statement or response of the caller.
Eg. Caller: My name is ABC, I am calling from XYZ. I want to offer you insurance.
Caller: It is my job.
Ask for constipation remedy
Tell the caller that you have been in the toilet since the morning, suffering badly from constipation for many days and need an instant remedy. Ask for the solution. It is definitely going to embarrass/annoy the caller
Speak in an accent that appears foreign, yet not understandable at all to the caller. You may try a regional language you are good at or just say anything without making sense. Use meaningless words and frame pointless sentences.
Eg. Caller: Can I take just five minutes of yours?
You: Andra pandra kantu junu.
By Sapna Madan