Some strange “phoren” traits get mixed up with that innate Indian-ness when the Indian goes abroad and this produces some rater distinctive and easy to identify peculiarities. Here is a list of annoying things that “they do”! Every self respecting NRI is sure to display these traits on the very first trip back home.
We’re Rolling Our R’s Now
That accent may come in as little as six months – I used to know a guy in college who had an accent because his parents wrote to him from the States! Beat that! So the NRI will roll their R’s … but bhaisaab, you’re still saying ‘sport’ instead of ‘support’ and ‘is-sport’ instead of ‘sport’.
I have A Water Bottle – See?
Suddenly the Aquaguard water you grew up with isn’t good enough; it has to be trusty Himalaya or Bisleri water everywhere we go. Alas for the NRI – their stomach has lost that Indian immunity and is now as prone to the loosies as the common or garden variety of firang. But really? Do you have to gargle and brush using bottled water as well? A cousin from Singapore even bathed her 6 month old in bisleri and bragged about it endlessly,
Everything Indian Is Now ‘Desi’
The word ‘desi’ is firmly established in the NRI vocab – it is used to indicate food, people, outfits, accents.
They Love SRK Even More than Us
Shah Rukh Khan has played the ideal NRI repeatedly – the Indian who went abroad but retained supposedly Indian virtues such as respecting elders, valuing ‘sanskaar’, celebrating all Indian festivals; also choosing to remain virgo intacta until the ‘suhag raat’ – because you know grievous transgressions such as premarital sex happen only in ‘videsh’.
There Are Frequent References to ‘Back Home’
Probably the most annoying thing about NRIs are these frequent utterances – “India’s so polluted” or “The roads are so dirty” or “Oh Mah God! There’s a cow sitting in the middle of the road” or “Why does everyone sound their horn so much in India”. Buddy! That was you until a few years ago – and yes, you were tooting on that horn – a lot – too.
Their Traditional Clothes Are a Wee Bit ‘Last Season’
The problem is that traditional Indian outfit you’re wearing right now for your cousin’s wedding was bought on your last trip to India. 3 years ago – sooooo not in right now. Er… So sorry to point that out.
The Kids Want MacDonald’s
The kids are now whiny firangs who look bored half the time and appear sulky the rest. They want to eat at MacDonald’s but then they complain that the burger doesn’t taste like ‘back home’
They Wear Panty Hose
WTF! In India? We already know you’re an NRI. Must you manifest your NRI-ness by dressing as you would ‘back home’! And DO NOT wear that hat backwards – again, you already told us you do it that way back home.
They Probably Met Karan Johar and Can’t Stop Gushing
It’s well known that Bollywood actors have more stage shows abroad than in India – so all NRIs have probably met a minor Bollywood starlet or two. Heck! K Jo probably stayed a night at their home if the mansion was big enough.
They Don’t Know Yet – Toblerone Is Easily Available in India
We used to await our ‘from aboard’ relatives with bated breath because of the promise of imported chocolates, cheap gadgets and synthetic clothes. NRIs still feel obliged to carry gifts for EVERYONE and their dog when they visit desh. But whatever you decide to get, we already get it here in India now. Sorry!
It’s the FOOTBALL World Cup – Pay Attention!
We and the whole world call it football and not soccer – get over it !!!!
“And Jaggu I mean Jag why are you calling a game played by flinging about (rarely kicking; mostly throwing) an oblong object (not a ball, you notice) – football????”
By – Reena Daruwalla
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