It was that auspicious movement when the Spanish crown agreed to Christopher Columbus’s request for funding so he could set on his voyage in search of India (Asia) and the pursuit of the elusive “Silk Road” with its so called riches like spices, silk and opiates. Instead he ended in West Indies and eventually ended up discovering the “Americas”
This ended up straining his relation with the Spanish Crown which led to his dismissal followed by arrest. So we tried to reconstruct history, followed by a different present and finally don the hat of a soothsayer to predict the future to see how things would have been different if Columbus actually discovered India (instead of America!).
So we sent out some sources who go by dizzy logic to see and know how things would have been different if “Columbus discovered India!” But first a primer on dizzy logic. There is logic and then there is Intuitionistic logic and then there is propositional, predicate, modal, temporal, moral… (Boring isn’t it?). OK, let’s jump the gun. There is fuzzy logic which is all fuzzy, but we aren’t going to use that today. We are going to use dizzy logic (Don’t bother to Google it, you won’t find it!).
What if Columbus actually ended up in India?
1. So the first person we asked was Columbus himself using Telepathy in dizzy logic who says
“If I had done that, my life would have been far better. I wouldn’t have been kicked out from the good books of the Spanish king and would not have spent the last phase of my life in a prison!”
2. Mr. Raj an octogenarian, a retired railway employee and a grandfather from Hyderabad says
“We would have then been colonized by the Italians, instead of the Britishers!”
3. Tushar an IT professional from Los Angeles hailing from Delhi says “Italians would have brought suits to India! Think how cool that would be! Suits look so good on all of us office going professionals instead of pants and a dress shirt!
4. Som a masters student from Dallas says in an exasperated tone “Italians would have taught us about the mafia and I would have opened up my own company, instead of sweating out here on a meager paying campus job, to help repay the loan my father took from SBI (State bank of India) back home”
5. Priya a teenager outside a Dominos in Bangalore says “Then I would have eaten all kinds of Pizza, for breakfast lunch and dinner!”
6. Swamy Sen a priest at the ISKCON temple in West Virginia (USA) says “Hinduism would have been at stake, on the flip side Krishna consciousness would have been more prevalent in Italy”
7. Kumar a college going student who plans to move to America soon and eventually plans to open a company, whose Facebook profile also lists daydreaming as one of his hobbies says “India would have been the superpower instead of America and I would have discovered Google, although I would have named it “Oogle” as our family hails from Ooty while we settled in Chennai.
8. Rahul who works at a startup company in Bangalore says the godfather would have been made in India. It would have said “Throw away the gun, keep the Gulab Jamun!” of the famous dialogue from this iconic movie.
9. Twins Ramesh and Suresh say Life would be one big Italian party with plenty of Cadbury’s five stars and their father’s credit card.
10. Sangeeta who is learning classical music says “We also would have had Opera and Bollywood wouldn’t had to lift tunes anymore from somewhere else!”
11. Raman a politician from Karnataka says “That would be sad as we cannot go to Italy on a fully paid trip to learn about their style of government”
12. The Indi Right Brothers who blog on politics to the right, Indian and all say Machiavelli’s Prince might have been written in India containing excellent maxims on balancing power in politics
13. Singh a Congress party loyalist says “Sonia Gandhi could have been the Prime Minister!”
14. Chetan Bhagat the writer says “I would have added one more point to Five Point Someone to make it six point someone, I would have had to compete with actual writers like Dante, you know!”
15. Vijay Mallya a businessman says “Italian wine could have saved my sinking ship and speaking of ships Italians are good sailors too!”
16. Deepti a fashion designer based in New York says “Sharukh Khan would have been content being a football player and I would have missed my eternal favorite DDLJ, the movie”
So that’s that and we ended up assimilating the various views and opinions expressed by several folks contacted by our reporters (needless to say, who work on dizzy logic!). As for the present maybe India would never have bet South Africa in the world cup because we might have been into soccer.
And at the risk of breaking a billion plus hearts, in the future India would never win the world cup in 2015 because we aren’t playing cricket (It’s hypothetical dizzy logic, take a chill pill!)