Courtship period mainly refers to the period between when you get hitched and the wedding day. It gives you plenty of time to know each other better. Also, it is a good time for families to get together and understand each other’s expectations and their tastes. But what you sometimes ignore is that it is also one of the most sensitive periods and one needs to be extra careful about the steps you take while in this period.
There are a few things you should keep in mind while in courtship to avoid unnecessary quarrels, arguments and fights later.
1. Although this is time when you need to spend maximum time with your fiancé/fiancée, don’t “ suffocate” them. Everyone has his or her own sense of having their own space and you cant just jump into their life and make them cut off from everything else. This creates a sense of being caged and could result in fights later. You need to understand and respect ones privacy and wait till he/she is ready to open up on their own will.
2. Building high expectations and high hopes in the beginning often results in disappointments and disagreements later. Don’t make promises, which you know you wont be able to commit to later. Just because you want your significant other to be happy with this relationship for now, don’t engage in fake commitments, which will result in a shaky foundation. Be bluntly honest and open about all the facets of your life in a way that you build a foundation based on mutual trust and understanding.
3. Don’t bring the past in the present to an extent that the other person feels uncomfortable talking about it. The past is debatable and there could be topics you can be judgmental about so avoid such discussions. It’s important to be honest about your past, but don’t draw conclusions and make assumptions. Be a friend to your partner and not act like a parent type partner. This period is sensitive for a reason and you should understand the sensitivity on an emotional level more than anything. Be a good listener and a supporter just like a good companion should do.
4. Don’t put conditions on anything you discuss about. A conditional relationship is not a healthy one; it only results in more conditions later. For instance, if your partner tells you that you can only work with him his business and not anywhere else. This not only limits your potential but also proves his/her dominant attitude towards shaping your career. You can’t let your partner tell you to where to work unless you find any legitimate reason. If today, there are conditions related to your career, tomorrow it could be about your social life or your sex life. So encourage a condition free relationship and take practical decisions by engaging in healthy discussions.
5. Don’t put up a pretentious act in any scenario. This is the worst kind of start to any relationship. For instance, if you don’t like skydiving, just say it. Don’t pretend to be an adventurous person when you are not one. Being pretentious is just a mirage effect, it will look fascinating for a while but when it vanishes, you get the clear picture. Be real, be raw for anyone to accept you the way you are. Specially, during courtship period, you shouldn’t hide your true self. Make sure your partner is well aware about your basic likes and dislikes and is comfortable sharing important things with you.
By: Vidhi Sagar