If you are in your 20’s and you are thinking about the day when your boyfriend will get down on his knees to propose you for marriage, you are amongst the many in line. All guys have an intense hidden fear of commitment to one girl for the rest of their lives. No matter how much of a lover boy or a macho man your guy is, he is after all a “guy”.
And guys fear commitment thinking it’s a jail for life, which his married friends keep on whining to him about. But, it depends on the individual also, how much is he mentally ready to give away the golden days of his bachelor hood for the love of his life. But, when he knows, there is no backing out; he is like a tiger showing you off like a trophy in front of his loved ones. But that takes time, so here is a list of reasons why your boy is hesitant to commit to you:
1. The most cliché reason for lack of commitment is that the guy is not settled in his career. Well, it is a valid reason because even though you decide to get married, your dad would want you to be with a guy who can take care of you with his own money and not just be sitting on the pile of money, which his parents have made. On the other hand, it could be an excuse also, so make him realize that you are as important to him as his career.
2. Another reason could be that he doesn’t think of you as marriage material. The stereotypical Indian wife is a sober, simple, family loving female who will do anything to make the family happy. Here comes the hypocritical guy phase where he thinks you wouldn’t be a good wife even though you have been the best girlfriend he could ever get. Make him realize you have everything inyou to make a good wife.
3. He thinks he can get better than you so its better to wait than to fall in the well of marriage. Boys think if they are dating a hot girl for a considerably long period of time, they can get even better. But little do they realize that this greed for more might just result in loneliness and desperation. With time, they realize that one should cherish the present and not give away what you have for the greed of getting better. Make him realize that you are the best he’s ever going to get.
4. In case, the guy is not doing too well for himself and you are killing it with the six-figure salary per month, he might not like it. Your success and your position can make him feel inferior. Ego is something, which can kill a relationship to the maximum. He might feel that your booming career and your popularity makes him feel less of a man. So, if he thinks of being with you forever, you might be the one dominating him for the initial years of marriage. Make him feel that you will support him in all phases of life and his career is as important for you as your own.
5. Sometimes, the guy feels he needs to be very sure about the girl to the extent that he almost guaranteed in his mind that the girl would be a perfect fit for him and his family on the whole.
In this process, he takes his own time by testing you in small problems of life and keeping a note of your reactions. By doing this, he slowly makes up his mind and takes the decision when he is absolutely convinced that “this is it”. Make sure you are what you are in front of him and don’t put on a pretentious act because if you do, the long-term commitment could be a sham for you and him.
6. Some guys want their girlfriend or to be wife not be just a face but more than that. They desire an independent woman who wants to do something productive with her life. Because, if she is not busy, the guy will feel that the only thing, which she wants in life, is to be with him and this makes him feel caged and too important which could have negative repercussions in theirrelationship. Make yourself an independent and a desirable personality so that he realizes that you are more than just a face.
7. If your guy has a history of infidelity in his previous relationships, keep a strong eye on his behavior. Such guys are really bad at returning calls, making plans and treating the girl as low priority after the rosy phase of the relationship has come to a halt. They also avoid any family plans and make their own weekend plans, which doesn’t include the girlfriend while giving ridiculous excuses. In their mind, they know, they don’t desire a long-term relationship, so its best to give small signs so that the girl gets fed up and breaks up the relationship. It makes things easier for guys as they don’t have to go through the whole phase of confrontation. Notice his behavior and actions so that at least you are mentally prepared for the breakup beforehand.
8. If your guy is strongly ignorant towards your emotions and doesn’t make you feel loved or cared for, this is the first sign, which proves his fearful commitment phobic behavior. This will get worsen as you move forward in the relationship. It is important for you to love yourself first for anyone else to love you, so don’t get tied up in making it work. Because, even if it works out now, it will not be the ideal scenario for the long term.
No matter what excuse he has to not commit to you, if he truly wants to be with you, he will do anything to be with you. So, make sure you make him realize that you are the best he’s ever gonna get.
By: Vidhi Sagar