A loving mother continues to write to her little one and shares some deeper thoughts in the 3rd of the series.
As I write this, I see both of us going through a rough time. But from where I see it, this too shall pass. Yes, things do take time and we must give things time to settle. Sometimes, we see our emotions taking over the most sensible part of our life. But Beta, you got to give yourself some time. I learnt this from your father. Giving time to yourself to heal is the best thing you can do to yourself while healing. So, while both of us are healing, in different ways, I am writing some more life lessons for you to read when you grow up. And as always, I leave it up to you to take what makes sense to you, and leave the rest.
Suffering is not Glamorous
Well, that is how it is shown in mythology, movies and books. As women, we are sometimes conditioned and expected to suffer. When you will grow up, you will find that as a culture, some people celebrate women suffering. It is an age old concept. This concept is prevalent even in our mythology. Like we worship Goddess Sita, who never questioned her husband Lord Rama. But we don’t worship Draupadi, who stood up for herself. We do not name our daughters Draupadi. We name them Sita! But beta that is a regressive thought. Never fall for this flawed concept. There have been many examples where songs and poetries are written to romanticize pain. But the fact is that nobody likes suffering- man or woman. If you ever do that, you will suffer from the guilt of having more. Beta, I did that in life. It did me no good.
Forgiveness is a virtue that does not come easy. But it is one of those ‘skills’ that you need to possess. It will be your key to a better and free life. As human beings, it is natural to feel that if we forgive those who hurt us, they will go scot-free. But that’s is what you need to learn. Forgiving others will let ‘you’ go scot-free. Forgiveness is the only key that will open the gates of your future. Else you will be a prisoner of your past. And as far as those who have hurt you, they will anyway do what they want to do in life!
If you won’t forgive, people will stay in your mind and after some time, you would see that everyone has moved on (including those who have hurt you) and you are still a hostage of your own past.
Most importantly, forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for trusting the person who hurt you and for the mistakes you think you made that has put you in that place. You learn from your mistakes and tell yourself that at that time, you did what you knew. Now you know better, so you will do better. Forgive everyone for everything.
The right man will see the right thing
Steve Maraboli had said this, ‘At your absolute best, you won’t be good enough for the wrong person. At your worst, you ‘ll still be worth it to the right person.’
If at any point Beta, your feelings are not reciprocated, cry your heart out. And move on. Never put a show to get his attention. We all have flaws and if you have been rejected because of any of your flaws, remember that the one rejects you because of your flaws always has his own. You are beautiful and the right man will see it.
Don’t let a hard lesson harden you
Our life is like a fairy tale, written by God. Really. It will have its tough moments, but it will also have its beautiful moments. It is natural to feel devastated when you are feeling down and out. But Beta, remember like you lived your fairy tale in happy times, in your hard times also live like a fairy. You might feel at some points that life is too hard to be a fairy tale. At that time Beta, remember, that every fairy tale contains beauty and wonder, but it also contains some bad things. Every fairy tale has a djinn, a cruel king or queen, a monster, a giant and some sort of unhappiness. The key is to conquer this evil slowly.
To conquer these forces, you have to conquer the giant monster in your heart. The hardness in your heart is a giant monster that follows after every hard lesson. It has to be conquered. And then only Beta, you will be able to live your fairy tale.
Always treasure yourself
There is a lesson that I am still learning- Never give to the one who is not worthy. The unworthy will throw the diamonds, thinking it is coal.
There is nothing wrong in being kind. You must show kindness to one and all. But while being kind, do not empty your reservoir. Because what defeats our kindness is when we start pouring ourselves to people who would not value our precious kindness. When someone disrespects you, and you still keep on giving, it is a kind of violence that you are subjecting yourself to. When you stay in a place where you are violated and are not treated well it will create pain in your heart, which will take a very very very long time to heal. That feeling of being unwanted, under confident, unworthy might not leave you for a long time. It might not leave you ever. So build boundaries and do not give your precious self to anyone who disrespects you.
Beta, you and I, both are going through a transition in our lives. Yours is different from mine. Through these letters, I am giving you lessons that I learnt in life. But through you, I am also learning how to live, childlike!
Just to let you know, no matter how many places you travel to, how many mountains you move, how many oceans you swim; if you ever want to come back, you parents will always be home for you. And someday you will realize, like I am realizing, that having a home and your loved ones,who care for you always is a blessing.
By Garima Mahajan
Images by author