Young mother Garima Mahajan continues her series of letters to her young child…
It’s been a while I wrote a letter to you. To say that I was learning life lessons would be an irony. But such is the volatile nature of our lives. Thankfully, you have recovered well from the last time, when I wrote to you.
At times, I feel I wish I could shield you from all the heart break and pain of this world. But then I tell myself, I must not. You ought to learn your lessons. In life, you will fall and rise many times. Every rise and every fall will teach you something new. But they must not change your core. The highs and lows of life should not change you into a person you originally were not.
Here is another letter that I am compiling for you. And like every time, this time also, you have the right to pick up what you like, or toss it away. But, with deep hope, I write…
Beta, it is very humane for people to blame others for their screw ups. A lot of people around you would be doing that, and you will see them doing well in life also. It would be tempting to get away from a mess by passing the buck to someone. But Beta, it is in these testing times that you have to stand up and prove the strength of your character. You will commit mistakes and blunders. But do not run away from them. Get up, dust yourself, and take onus of your actions. Do whatever it takes to fix the wrong that you have done. People who love you will not judge you. But if you won’t take responsibilities of your mistakes and correct them, people who love you, will leave you. And Beta, that is the worst that can happen. Worse than any screw up.
Be Practical. But have a Heart
This is one lesson that I want you to learn at an early age. This is one lesson that many of us need to learn. This world is a beautiful place, but it has demons and evils as well. To survive successfully in this world, you have to be very very practical. The world will not move for your emotions. And you have to be is very practical. Else you will find yourself lagging behind. But there is a key here. If you ever get into a situation, where you have to choose between being practical, thereby hurting someone versus lagging behind, thereby being true to your loved ones; always choose the latter one. Never break your loved ones’ heart. Never. All the practicality of this world will not help you sleep at night, if you break your loved ones’ heart.
It is always not you
What I mean by this is that sometimes people will act in a way that will hurt or make you feel insecure. You might feel rejected, under confident and totally disappointed and shattered. Your confidence will hit rock bottom and you might consider yourself responsible for the failure. People might make you feel responsible for everything that has gone wrong. But Beta when people act or react in this manner, it is almost certainly about something happening inside them, and not about you.
I know this. I have felt this. Feelings can slice your heart, even when your mind knows otherwise. But Beta, may be, just may be, it will help if you remember that other people are struggling with their own demons. And they are only trying to make you feel bad, so that they can get away with their guilt. Beta, you must never do that. How you make others feel says a lot about your character. Neither get boggled down with what others say about you, not make anyone feel small.
Only you can help yourself
No single person can be your everything. Be very careful about giving that power to any one person. There will be times when you will feel the emptiness in your heart and life. You will feel let down, and worse, that killer loneliness will be there no matter what. But filling it with other people or anything else, like food, alcohol, parties, night outs etc will give you a temporary relief and little distraction. But the emptiness, loneliness will stay in you. If you are not sure of yourself, nobody and nothing can help you. Help yourself. Raise yourself. Do not get dependent on one person or a particular habit/lifestyle to take you off from your loneliness. Fill your emptiness with your confidence. You will soon find that this beautiful world is your oyster.
You must learn to value every experience life gives you. Value your family. Value your friends. Value your neighbours. Value your society. Value your country. Even value your enemies, for making you insecure and giving you the instinct to strive to be better. Value the stranger you meet on the road, so that kindness survives in this world. Value real things, so that money and marketing does not play with your mind and make you a robot. Value emotions, so that humanity survives. And most important, value yourself, so that even when your close ones try to disappoint you, your faith in yourself help you survive.
This is all I could say. I hope when you will grow up, we will have the best conversations!
By Garima Mahajan