Guys we love you! We really do! We couldn’t do without our significant others, our sons, fathers, brothers, male friends… but there are things you do (or don’t do) that really drive us up the wall – and around the bend. Really! Some of the things on this Pet Peeves list you may know about, others may be news to you; but Darling Men! Cease and Desist – some or all of these:
1. Farting, belching, scratching
I know, men think it’s a man thing to fart and belch audibly… and to starch. O that scratching! Arms, belly, chest, armpits, groin… must you? Go take a bath already! And your guy friends may think a fart that sounds like a gun going off or a belch that make the furniture rattle is hilarious, but not us; spare us!
2. Taking a leak where you please
Indian men in particular seem to think of this as a privilege: have urge will pee – against a wall, in a bush, by the side of a road, in plain view of anyone who cares to watch. Makes me long for the days of MTV Bakra when Cyrus Broacha used to go around with a mike and camera asking men “Aap yeh kaam kab se kar rahe hain?” as they stopped their car/scooter/ cycle by the side of the road to take an al fresco leak. Do you see women squatting all over the place? Do you? So are you saying you have less bladder control?
3. Becoming an invalid
So you have the flu, or a mild fever, or a head cold. We know – we’ve been there. Many times. Of course you may not have noticed because we don’t lie around moaning and groaning and taking our temperature every 5 minutes. You may also not have noticed because the food is still on the table on time and the laundry is still done and the fridge well stocked.
4. “Hmmm? What’s that?”
That habit of selective hearing that so many of you have – it is exasperating! You heard “just go watch your match” but when I said “I need eggs and milk from the market” you had evidently gone deep sea diving! And when you say “Oh! I forgot!”, well that is enough to make us stamp our feet in frustration.
5. “Glad there’s no problem!”
So you asked is that a problem and she said “No, no problem”. What are you an imbecile that you think there is no problem? OF COURSE THERE IS A PROBLEM! This is where you cajole, listen and generally promise to slay dragons for her. What you do not do – under any circumstances is, take her at her word.
6. “My mother used to….”
No sentence should ever begin with these words. Whether you mother is the best cook in the world, the best folder of shirts or a dab hand with the feather duster, you do not compare a woman unfavourably with your mother. Ever. And we especially never want to hear how she made sacrifices for you.
7. “Is my hair OK”
Guys, that’s our line! Also you don’t get to say “Does this colour suit me?” or “Do you think I can carry this off”. Sorry – all our lines, not yours.
8. “Really? You watch that show?”
You do not get to critique our TV and movie watching habits. You don’t get to decide that the shows/films we watch are dumb/sentimental/implausible/boring. And if we perchance want to weep into our kerchiefs, that is our prerogative. Kindly pretend that you saw nothing.
10.Assuming that women don’t enjoy chivalry
Offer to carry stuff for us. Open the door and let us precede you. It feels nice when you’re thoughtful and chivalrous. Oh and we’re your equals as well, so you are not excused from helping out with domestic chores. “DARLING have you fed the kids yet?”!
By – Reena Daruwalla
Photos courtesy – New Chivalry Movement Facebook Page , Gifsoup.com