There is no promotion for Rahul Gandhi yet in Congress, as the National party is still trying to revive after being white-washed in several elections. Perhaps even the Congressmen now know ,”when life gives you Rahul, make it Dravid, not Gandhi!” While the blame game is still on in the Congress Party, here are the top Ten Reasons (we think) why there is delay in nominating RaGa to the top post.
1. Rahul Wants to Slip into La-La land for a Brief Moment to Create a Revival Strategy
RaGa was on his Italian vacation for months where he missed all the latest episodes of Chotta Bheem. Now, since he is having too much of late night rendezvous with Chotta Bheem, the Congress party has to wait for a while. Rahul understands the displeasure of the impatient party members and so he has promised, he shall create revival strategies during his Chotta Bheem hangover. A Congress spokesperson who did not wish to be named said that the party members respect Rahul Baba’s decision.
2. According to Rahul, there is still Time – After All A few more States have to be Lost
Maharashtra, Haryana, Jharkhand, Jammu and Kashmir elections are not enough. Being a prime strategist in Lok Sabha elections of 2014, Mr. Gandhi now believe that in order to bounce back one has to first make a clean zero. Senior Leader Sanjay Jha when questioned in the News Hour about the same said, “Rahul Gandhi is a Marathon Man, a Long Distance Runner. Leadership skills are not decided by defeat in elections.” Looks like RaGa will only come on board after losing all the upcoming state elections including Delhi. In that case, any improvement will go to his credit.
3. For New Indian Policy of ‘Hum-do Hamare Char’ – Rahul first needs Time to find a Bride
Rahul’s agents these days are keeping a close watch on all the ‘BJPians in News. Last heard, Rahul Gandhi’s agent have told him about Sakshi Maharaj’s policy of ‘Hum Do Hamare Chaar‘. Rahul Gandhi seems to be impressed by the idea. A good move to tackle BJP in the future (after all more the Congressmen/women – the better), Mr. Gandhi himself is on a ‘bride hunting’ mode and need some more time.
4. Rahul Gandhi is Hoping for a ‘AAP’ win in the Delhi election to use the momentum
According to some close sources of RaGa, he has already started preparations for the 2019 Lok Sabha elections. They also disclosed the slogan to us ‘Lehar ke Baad Boonda Baandi, Ab ki baar Rahul Gandhi.’ Rahul is now busy concentrating on 2019 and so is highly dependent on ‘AAP’s victory in Delhi like last year, to gain momentum. Don’t be surprised, if you see RaGa shouting ‘5 Saal Kejriwal’
5. Rahul is busy dealing his trouble at Amethi from his ‘nemesis’ Smriti Irani
Rahul Gandhi recently came to know that, while he was busy holidaying in certain part of the world, Ms. Smriti Irani was wooing his hereditary constituency Amethi during Diwali by distributing 15,000 sarees there. He also got to know that she is bringing a big university to “his” constituency. Rahul Gandhi therefore now wishes to give a lot more attention to Amethi – after all you cant think of revival in your party when you have been booted out of your own “safe” constituency. We wonder, whether Rahul Baba will now serve Maa ke haath ka Pizza to the same ‘garib’ and ‘Dalit’ homes where he ate those ‘Khichdi’ and ‘daal-chawal.’
6. The Intelluctual Tharoor is still busy Chasing Pakistani Woman
Congress’ only intelluctual man is busy multi-tasking these days – with the woman journalist from Pakistan Mehr Tarar. No wonder, the Left, and BJP now wants Tharoor to resign from his position as a Lok Sabha member. So many things, and so little time, poor Tharoor! Tharoor needs to free up some time for the party.
7. Diggy is still busy playing second innings with his pregnant gf Amrita Rai, the TV anchor
At the age of 67, Diggy uncle (grand-uncle ? one-foot in the grave uncle?) will now be a proud father of his baby from his gf Amrita (She was pregnant in May last year), so he’ll be busy changing the diapers. Or is he already a father now? (Please let us know if he is.) Please excuse Diggy uncle, after all its ‘Dil Ka Mamla!’. We are sure Diggy’s mentor N.D.Tiwari will be proud of his escapades.
8. Mani Shankar Aiyar seems to have lost it – Currently Siding with Terrorists
With age comes wisdom they say but Mani Shankar Aiyar seems to have lost it completely. A proud sycophant, and complete sickular, he is not interested in Congress’ future. After giving his heart away to Pakistan, he is now luring Terrorists around the world. Wonder, why India has to bear his body’s weight.
9. Perhaps RaGa wants to give Robert Vadra a chance to join the AICC committee – From Ma-Beta ki Sarkar to Saala-Jiju Ki Sarkar
You never know if the son-in-law of India is being Trained by the Pappu of India to join the AICC committee – After all Bharat ke Har Nirmaan pe Haq hai Daamadji ka. We are sure Mr Vadra wont ask us – Are you serious? Are you serious? Are you serious? Because last time when we questioned him – hamare paas bangla hai, gaadi hai, paisa hai, tumhare paas kya hai, haain…..? He said, ‘Mere pass ‘SASU-MAA’ hai…’.
10. RaGa is busy Training under Alia Bhatt to come up with his own version of ‘Politician of the Year!’
Remember how baby Alia was teased by entire India after her brainy showcase in Koffe With Karan? However, with the help of AIB, she could not only become ‘Student of the Year’ but also get out of her ‘dumb Alia zone.‘ Our khabri told us, Rahul Gandhi these days is taking tips from Alia to make his own version of ‘Politician of the Year.’ Maybe once the video is released he’ll become the Kangress President!