About a year back, I was undergoing this thing called ‘wedding jitters’. I, never in my wildest dreams thought that I could be a culprit of this anxiety! As confident as I was when I had agreed to get married to a very dear friend of mine, I assumed that things would be just perfect! But trust me, everything is the opposite! I wish I knew then what I’m writing down today!
Happily ever after…
Here’s what marriage really is! This article is dedicated to all my near & dear friends and readers who are all in line to undergo this experience: ‘marriage’! Yes, I know most of us imagine this! And why not, similar interests, values and ideas, most of the couples in love feel that the two of them are an invincible team! Reality Bite: Despite our optimism we hit the ground and find ourselves struggling with this same ‘perfect’ partner. But that doesn’t mean that something is wrong… It just means that marriage has got lots in store for us to learn! Yes! It is absolutely ‘normal’ to fight on your honeymoon as well!
The much talked about sex
Most of us are under the notion, ‘sex just gets boring after a while’! Well, what about the couples who enjoy sex all life long?! Reality bite: The more the comfort and friendship in your relationship, the more the urge! In fact, amongst married couples who are completely new to each other, initial proximity is always awkward… and its normal! The extra ‘oomphh’ comes only when you find creative ways to bring it!
It will all be equal
I know most of us before getting into marriage practically PLEDGE: It’ll all be 50-50. Well, is life that fair to you? No right! So isn’t marriage! After all, who wants someone to keep a track of his/her good and bad deeds all the time?! How would you react if your friends and parents did the same?! Who picked up from the dry cleaners last time? Who left the washroom lights on last night?! Does this really matter?! Reality Bite: If you keep the other person’s concern in mind and offer support (selflessly at times!) trust me you’ll get back the same! The happiest couples (or I should say smarter) pay less or no heed to what they get back and give complete attention to what they give in! At the end of the day, doing things together make them happy!
How could you do this…
Face it guys you married a human! We are bound to make mistakes in whatever we do, so why not mistakes in marriage?! Your partner will miscommunicate, overlook, misunderstand and be judgemental… and do a whole lotta stuff that’ll make your blood boil!
Reality Bite: You must learn to forgive and forget and apologise! Rather than expecting your partner or yourself to have a zero mistake track record, you must find a way to reconnect after any disappointment or unexpected incident.
Make peace with your differences
Expecting differences to disappear?! That simply cant happen! No two people can think or be alike! Don’t you already know that?! So if you’ll be the marriage piler and keep a track of all those things that you don’t accept simply because they’re not you… it’ll never work out fine! Reality Bite: Differences can be enjoyable. Try to move out of your comfort zone and try something new! Are we that finicky with friends? No right?! Then why not be more flexible and tolerant with the one you shall spend your life with?!And last but definitely not the least.. the final reality bite which is also a major problem!
The problem lies within you and not in the marriage
Of course I don’t mean start blaming yourself for everything! But yes, in a marriage it is pretty easy to get bothered about frivolous stuff! Such as, oh why didn’t she smile at me today, why is he staring into space… is he not interested now? Oh.. she forgot to remind me to call my mom.. why?! Yeahh.. now you see how ridiculous all of this sounds?!Reality bite: A lot of our insecurities, and assumptions come from our past experiences. Always introspect and ‘understand’ the one you’re living with and plan to have babies with! It might not be just what meets the eye!Not everything your partner does is about you, though it can sometimes seem that way. A good rule of thumb: the bigger and more intense your emotional reaction, the more likely your reaction is about your stuff from the past. The stuff you carried with you from childhood. The stuff that only you can resolve.
By: Medha Mukerji
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