A Political satire about the, ’joint’ Noble Peace Prize, for the two eternal foes called India and Pakistan.

Begum Para is daughter of our Ghafoor uncle. This is her first article. It’s about the, ’joint’ Noble Peace Prize, for the two eternal foes called India and Pakistan. Indo-Pak Win Noble Peace Prize While the Peace at the Border is torn to pieces. 

1: On 10th October, 2014, A girl famous world over by the name of Malala Yusufzai, in a chemistry class somewhere in London; reacts after learning of her winning the Noble Peace prize. An Indian Child Right activist too was awarded the same Noble Peace Prize. Question for the Indians was who the hell was he!

malala nobel peace prize 2014 A Tale of Two Winners : Indo Pak Noble Peace Prize 2014

2: On the morning of October 10, no one knew who was Kailash Satyarthi and by the evening we all were proud Indians! 

Rang De Basanti Proud To Be Indian A Tale of Two Winners : Indo Pak Noble Peace Prize 2014

That Friday, everyone thought it was Ashish Vidyarthi’s who won the Noble! Simple plain mischief or mix up by the Norwegian Noble Peace Prize Committee? They wondered. We too wondered. This was how poor Ashish Vidyarthi reacted, after missing the chance by a long thread.

ashish vidyarthi kailash satyarthi A Tale of Two Winners : Indo Pak Noble Peace Prize 2014                              Reaction no 1                               3 Minutes later

3: Malala was targeted for insisting on going to school and had to take a bullet from the Taliban. Here is the gun used by the Taliban who shot her so mercilessly. It is called Talibani pistol. Normally it is used by fundamentalists all over the world, of various hues. Perfect for shooting oneself in the foot or better shoot one’s mouth off. The choice is yours.

4 Sail Uturn Gun A Tale of Two Winners : Indo Pak Noble Peace Prize 2014

Important tip: This gun specializes in making perfect self- goals. Six bullets Free offer, only till stocks last!

4: Malala took a gun, a bullet to go to school, the whole world applauded her for her courage and saluted her suffering. Thunderous Applause. While Malala took a bullet, faced a gun for her right to go to school; there are other little Malalas who have to be sent to school at gun point. One should not forget the plight of these tens of thousands of little Malalas who face a gun Each Day. They need to be sent-off to school at gun point!

girls going to school at gun point A Tale of Two Winners : Indo Pak Noble Peace Prize 2014

5: According to our confirmed sources thousands of girls all over the world are planning huge protests against Yusufzai Malala for making their task difficult; Of avoiding school at any cost. For reasons as varied as, I hate school, I hate my teachers, I hate Maths [ this one tops all] I surely hate exams, I have not studied for tomorrow’s Chemistry test, etc. These little brave girls have to put up a daily fight, with their elders who think there is nothing to life other than school and home work! These girls struggle daily for their right to say No to School. These little Malalas, these little innocent beings…(Weeps)

crying girl1 A Tale of Two Winners : Indo Pak Noble Peace Prize 2014

Paro’s tears are certified by Tulsi Hardware wali, [ Tulsi bhi kabhi Harvard wali thee, fame] that these are not tears of a crocodile. These little innocent Malalas try their best in such dire circumstances and though unable to feign fever, are able to simulate a stomach ache, etc, for the noble cause of steering clear of school.

6: I got it after 30 years of pure hard work and she in two years? Yeh baat kuch hazam nahin huwi!!

Kailash Satyarthi nobel peace prize A Tale of Two Winners : Indo Pak Noble Peace Prize 2014

* Says Kailash Satiyarithi.

* Malala reacts with hmm…. 

malala nobel peace prize india pakistan 2014 A Tale of Two Winners : Indo Pak Noble Peace Prize 2014

I am gonna tell my Abbu. Snorts and sniffs.

[ Her Abbu is busy in striking yet another deal with Maghrib what you call, the West.]

7: The Metaphor of Malala:

Malala today is not just a word, but an allegorical nomenclature. It has become a metaphor, even a motif, to help define our internal strife often always sponsored by external forces. [ No, I am not a conspiracy theorist, I tell you.]

 A Tale of Two Winners : Indo Pak Noble Peace Prize 2014

You are a libbu[ Liberal], a boot-licker of the West if you support Malala. They are to be denigrated with the term Malala ke Malaale. You are shameless who nachwao your bahu betiyan for the pleasure of the Maghrib.[ Oye you people, how many times I am gonna explain to you this Maghrib? It is to the West. Bole toh Western country, pinnacle epitome centre of all the evils in the world, where girls and boys dance with hand in hand. Allah tauba, how shameless. ]


8: And if you oppose, Malala, with a big O, then you are a True Blue Muslim. No a pakka Musalman. Note this.

Your hate list must also include essentially her father. You can also add to it the following: her book, her migration to the West, the way her face tilts wayward while talking [ No, she was not shot, it was all fake, you must insist] her hair dresser, her shoe size, and of course her Noble Peace Prize.


Malala Yousafzai NOBEL PEACE PRIZE A Tale of Two Winners : Indo Pak Noble Peace Prize 2014

Now you are a True Blue Muslim, following the path of Salf e Saliheen.

Now who said, Alhamdulillah and who Astaghfirullah, over this ? Please, guys, take your turns and ‘smile or snort’ with respect to your inclination towards this 17 year old, who divided our Ummah like no one could before.

(Slaps her forehead.) 

Humor is a terrific tool for explaining things, especially when what you’re explaining is frightening or dull and complicated. ~ P.J. O’ROURKE

Those who oppose her look like this:

Terrorist Lego A Tale of Two Winners : Indo Pak Noble Peace Prize 2014

And the following are termed as Malala ke Malaale who go, Ooh la la! Over her.

(Slaps her forehead again.)

malala with malalele A Tale of Two Winners : Indo Pak Noble Peace Prize 2014

Now those saying,

This ummah divided by Malala? [ with a contrived expression] The same Ummah which can never agree on one common Moon for its people’? Their Moon Sighting turns into Moon Fighting ! Now all these people with such mischievous questions are nothing but Fitnah.

Takfeer, takfeer,

Takfeer is when one Muslim [ Let’s call him Zaid] makes a contrived, actually very contrived face and declares that: that other Muslim[ Let’s call him Fawad]

(At this point, Begum Para aka Paro has a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. But defends herself saying she is only having some ‘Halal’ crush on him, in the vein of Russell Brand and Ben Affleck. )

ben affleck on muslims A Tale of Two Winners : Indo Pak Noble Peace Prize 2014

Yes, yes, Hugh Jackman is out of my list.

Modi with Hugh Jackman AFP 650 A Tale of Two Winners : Indo Pak Noble Peace Prize 2014

He is no more a Muslim. Meaning actually Fawad was a Muslim but because he offended and didn’t think like he ought to as per Zaid’s Islamic School of thought ; he [Fawad not Zaid] ought to be declared not so Muslimish and must be excommunicated with immediate effect.

Allahu Akbar. Hail to… sorry Hell to Malala! This ummah will keep the already heated, over heated and burnt discussion burning. What better way to prove our strong faith to the world [Feels proud]

6: Fundamentalists from both sides condemn the Noble Laureates

Kailash Satyaarthi was ridiculed by the fundoos and tweeples and it was demanded that his NGO should be probed. Mulla fundoos blamed the Bachpan Bachao Man for the closure of traditional Muslim trades of carpet making, silk weaving industry, waghairah. No, I am not asking them if employing children of less than 14 years of age is against or for Islam? They are speaking for the rich Muslim traders, but what about the rights of the young poor children of the Muslim community? Would they send their child away to work in those suffocating hells for working nonstop for 14 hours plus?

malala satyarthi nobel peace prize winner A Tale of Two Winners : Indo Pak Noble Peace Prize 2014

No, I am not asking them because if I do, I would be labelled anti Islamic. So I am not asking but only thinking. And Malala? Oh, don’t ask; either you go Ya Allah Astaghfirullah over her and call her Maghrib ki agent OR you go, ”Ooh la laa” over her, drooling over her, admiring her, her London education and her meeting with Obama. rop dead gorgeous this girl looks when she is in London. 

9: Madhavan Narayanan @madversity

Extremists lose because they do not have a sense of humour. And if they have a sense of humour, they are not extremists.

Any wonder his twitter handle has, ’mad’ in his name. The Fundamentalists , whatever the hue , have always had great sense of humor. [ with stress on always] Just listen to their mad violent rants and you will know, what I mean.

10: Back to his children after the award. 

KAILASH SATYARATHI WITH KIDS A Tale of Two Winners : Indo Pak Noble Peace Prize 2014

11: There are approximately 3.8 million child labourers in Pakistan today. Malala Yousufzai plans to return to her country of birth and has annonuced to donate her prize for the children of Pakistan.

We congratulate Malala on her brave journey but hereby we state, we have not forgotten,[ we can never] those thousands of Iraqi, Afghani, Burmese, Palestinian children who have been murdered by America, Israel and its cronies, either due to drone attacks , bombardment or been crippled by the use of White Phosphorus or made to suffer miserably in refugee camps. We have Suffering Malalas on every Muslim street. And the message is clear and out. We too, the Muslims, love our children. Yes, we do. #MuslimApology

By: Asma Anjum Khan [ follow her @saysanjum]

P.S.: The writer of this feature article herself didn’t know who the Indian Peace Prize winner was till he won. This has led her to spell the poor guy’s name each time in a different way. Hope you feel as confused as we do. We certainly do not regret it. You had already been warned , Read her at your own risk. Thank you.

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