Our beloved politicians are blessed with a lot of skills: diplomacy, cunning, jugaad, campaigning and many more. Sadly, most of them are also blessed with foot in mouth disease, due to which they stand up, look us in the eye and spew out utter nonsense and downright offensive crap to statements which just don’t make sense. Out of the hundreds of the infuriating, hilarious and irritating speeches made by our politicians, here are six of the very best (or worst, depends on how you see it) moments which thanks to the internet are recorded for posterity.
6. Nitin Gadkari, Ex BJP President and current Cabinet Minister, on corruption charges on B. S. Yeddyurappa: “What Yeddyurappa did was morally incorrect but legally correct.”
What he meant: What Yeddyurappa, a colleague in BJP and ex CM of Karnataka, did was morally correct and legally incorrect. Or morally and legally correct. Or morally and legally correct? It’s one of these. The line’s pretty blurred with him “helping” the Vidarbha farmers so much.
What he didn’t mean (hopefully): It’s morally wrong to participate in corruption and exploit the very people you’re pretend to work for and their hard earned money; however, legally it’s a different matter which can be “dealt with”, if you know what I mean? Here. Take a clean chit.
5. Suresh Kamadi, former Indian Olympic Committee Chairman at the Commonwealth Games in 2010: “Yes, Princess Diana was there”
What he meant: I thank Prince Charles and (Camilla) the Duchess of Cornwall for attending the opening ceremony of the games. Pardon the confusion, please. Diana is the famous one, naa?
What he didn’t mean: I thank the late Princess Diana of Wales who passed away in 1997 in a horrible car crash for coming in spirit and blessing the games, bringing along with her snakes into the Athlete’s Village and collapsing beds.
4. Sushil Kumar Shinde, former Union Home Minister on the Coal Gate: “The public forgot Bofors, soon they will forget this as well.“
What he meant (unfortunately): It’s fine. Thankfully, public memory isn’t very good at remembering things. They forgot the Bofors Scandal. They don’t remember the petrol pumps scam during the NDA rule before that. They’ll forget Coal Gate too. All one has to do is wash hands off this scandal, and we’ll be good in a few weeks time.
What he didn’t mean: The Bofors Scandal did finish Rajiv Gandhi in the 1989 elections and ultimately became a reason for the conspiracy between LTTE’s Balasinghan and Ottavio Quattorochi that killed Rajiv Gandhi. I’m sure he forgot that bit. Memory, you know?
3. RR Patil, Leader of Nationalist Congress Part on the 26/11 Mumbai terrorist attack in 2008: “Bade bade shehron mein aisi choti choti baatein hoti rehti hain.”
What he meant (hopefully): We are very saddened and overwhelmed by this attack on the people of India. It is a time of mourning and reflection, when we come together as a country to deal with what has happened and that which cannot be changed now. What we can do is however, look to the future and do everything in our power to ensure the citizen of India’s safety and strengthen the nation’s home and external security.
What he didn’t mean: Yeh sab toh chalta rehta hai, senorita. Khaali peeli dimaag ka dahi nai banaane ka. Come let’s go watch DDLJ at Maratha Mandir. Popcorn is on me.
2. Jitender Chhatar, Khapp Panchayat Leader, Jind’s Chhatar Village, on rape: “To my understanding, consumption of fast food contributes to such incidents. Chowmein leads to hormonal imbalance evoking an urge to indulge in such acts.“
What he meant: Nothing. He LITERALLY meant that noodles can increase testosterone levels in men causing a hormonal imbalance making them want to act like animals; or slurping oily chowmein down seductively in the Indian heat will mess with women’s hormones and make them want to wear miniskirts and we all know what our leaders think about rape and women wearing miniskirts.
What he didn’t mean (sadly): Rape is an inexcusable act, with no external forces and with absolutely no connection to the amount of laal mirch in your food. All such acts should be dealt with urgency and the accused should be tried; and punished without leniency if found guilty. Among the possible causes of rape, which again don’t include dietary specifications, can be illiteracy, skewed sex ration, patriarchy and weak implementation of laws to deal with rape cases.
…and the winner of course is:
1. Rahul Gandhi, Vice President, Indian National Congress on youth involvement in politics: “Politics is everywhere. It’s in your shirt; in your pants…It’s everywhere.”
What he meant: Politics in an inescapable aspect of life; in terms of laws made for the people by the legislature which affect their day to day activities. It is then crucial that the youth of India, its main resource, be involved and inducted into politics as to bring about real and positive changes with a completely new set of perspectives and opinions.
What he didn’t mean: Trust me, you don’t want to know. But following his logic about the omnipresence of politics; especially in his infamous white cotton pyjamas, he isn’t wearing any these days. But then again, speculation is, he never wore the pants in Congress politics anyway.
By Pallavi Prasad